Dedications 4 : Crash and Burn
by Tears Of Pearls
Summary: Rachel is at the end of the tether, all she needs is someone to understand her...


** Dedications 4:Crash and Burn **   
By Tearz

**Rachel**

The battle raged. 

All around I could see my friends, fighting for their lives. Jake, long and sinuous, tiger muscles rippling as he takes down yet another Hork Bajir. By his side is Cassie, grey maw drenched with crimson blood, as are her paws and flanks. Her or theirs? I can't tell. Ax is in the center of it all, his tail blade slicing faster than even my predator eyes could see. This little skirmish has been dragging on for what seems like hours, but still we were outnumbered, ten to one. Marco was being backed up against a wall by a mob of Taxxon, but he was still swinging, and holding his own. Out last line of defense, Tobais, is up in the rafter, diving down claws outstretched and... No, he isn't. I fell my current annoyer, uh, attacker with a swipe of my oversized paw and scan the space above my head. There was stray Dracon beams singeing the air and charring the high sloped ceiling, and over in the corner a Taxxon makes a sudden appearance, but is quickly reclaimed by gravity; it appears that Marco is seeking vengeance. But no Tobias. Our guardian angel is gone. I contemplated searching to floor, but the current fray wouldn't allow that. A mild sense of panic wells up in my chest._Is he ok? Or is he..._ But I soon dismiss the thought. Toby is a big boy, and can easily look after himself. Right? I sigh softly and gaze around. The immediate area around me is vacant. I smile grimly to myself, well, I think I did, it's hard to tell with a grizzly bear._Finally realised you can't beat old Rachel, eh?_

I start to move over to help Ax, looking for Tobias along the way, but a cry stops me short. Marco. I whip around. He's now hopelessly surrounded and going down fast. As I watch a Taxxon lunges forward and latches its needle-sharp teeth onto his arm. It comes off. Just like that, right at the shoulder. It falls to lie beside him, in a lifeless mess. Marco is frozen silent, in shock or fear, I don't know. Blood starts to run down the extraordinary muscles in his chest. The Taxxons are also frozen, but not for long. In one single movement, they mob him. Marco is swamped by a mass of squirming, **hungry** Taxxon. His screams chill be right to my heart. I can't breathe. I try to move towards the horror scene, to help him, save him! But my limbs feel like lumps of cold, dead steel. They won't move, won't listen. I watch on helplessly. I feel sick. And helpless. Completely helpless. Why can't I move? Just as his yell is icily cut off, there is another one behind me. I turn surprisingly quickly, fear flitting across my face, It's Cassie. She's standing over Jake, who's lying on his side, stripes now indistinct with blood. A low sweep with a Hork Bajir blade has opened up his underside from throat to groin. His intestines and other vital bits have spilled out, lying in a bloody heap. I feel my stomach churn, and I gag. Then a chill runs down my spine as I see his eyelids flicker slightly. He isn't dead. Not yet. I feel numb, and useless. I try again to move, but still my body won't listen. I try harder, cursing myself. _Help them, dammit!_ But still... My breath escapes in shudders, but I hadn't realised I was holding it. 

Cassie's still standing over our fallen leader, her eyes wide in shock. A Hork Bajir silently stalks up behind her. She doesn't notice. How could she? Jake is dying at her feet. With one fluid motion the Hork raises an arm high above his head, then brings it crashing back down again bent, elbow blade prominent. The blade connects with Cassie's thick, fur-laden neck. She didn't stand a chance. I don't think I've ever seen some one beheaded before... My mouth drops, aghast. If I were human right now I would be crying; a bawling sniveling heap on the floor. _No, don't you mean if you weren't Rachel?_ The thought pounds into my head like an express train, unstoppable, God help anyone in its path. I sink down onto my haunches. Still there's no-one enemies around me, it's as if they want me to watch this... like a horrific and terrifying show..., to watch my companions and greatest friends be slaughtered. I start shaking. I'm sure of it. I can't tell. I feel cold, so cold. I can't breathe, can't think. A sudden noise and my head turns immensely slowly to the source. Ax. He's running towards me, Visser Three and a whole truckload of Hork Bajir behind him. He's limping severely, one delicate deer-like leg is badly mauled, dripping blood. I've never seen fear on an Andelite's face, even Elfangor's, but I did now. 

It was then that I saw Tobias. 

He's lying in a crumpled heap, not far from where I sat. One of his graceful wings was bent backwards, shattered. His rusty brown feathers were disheveled, some caked in blood, others were scattered around him on the cold floor. His toes are curled tightly, like he's enduring pain. From this distance I can just see his eyes, closed fast. Unmoving. His chest doesn't rise at all. There's no movement. Still. To still. He's... I can't say it. I just can't. _It can't be true! _My stomach convulses, like it's turning itself inside out. My head buzzes. Thoughts come and go, but I barely even register them. All I can see is that desolate scene. Tobias lying there. Beyond help. Beyond hope. Beyond life... 

A sudden crash shakes me out of my stupor. The main doors fly open. _(Main doors? What main doors?)_ In strides Visser One, flanked by her personal guards. And Crayak, followed by the Droid. And the howlers. All of them. Masses of them. It's like a halloween parade gone wrong. The howlers line up and open their mouths, doing what they do best. They howl. The sound is piercing. It bashes its way through my skull and pulverizes my brain. My vision sways violently, my eyes sting. I can feel myself lean to one side, but I'm powerless to stop it. Ax blunders into me, the force knocks me back, but I don't feel it. He falls to his knees, head in hands, eyes shut. 

I still can't move. Can't control anything. A red haze descends over my vision. Through almost closed eyes I can see the new forces advancing. Howlers and Horks side by side. Through my scattered sluggish thoughts one stands out like a bolt of lightening. _That's it, we're done for..._ I roll my head back, and there's Visser One, smiling to herself maliciously. A Dracon pointed in my face. Silently, without ceremony, she pulls the trigger and...and...and... 

...and I wake up with a start. I sit forward quickly, bracing my arms behind me, eyes wild. Outside my bedroom window the night rages, wind howling (I shudder. _Howlers..._). One of my shutters suddenly crashes against the outside wall. It's a cold night, but I'm covered in sweat. My hair hangs limply behind me, sticking to my back. The covers are slipping off my bead and cascading onto the floor. I feel a sudden weight in my chest. I'm holding my breath. My gaze roams over the familiar organized chaos of my room. My head slumps forward to rest on my chest as I exhale and draw in the cool night air. I sigh.   
"It's all a dream..." I mutter to myself, repeating the phrase like a mantra. Slowly I sink back onto the pillow. I can't believe how shaken I am. Normally the dreams can be bad, yeah, all the others get them too. But **that**... that was... that was **bad**. Very bad. I try in vain to get the images out of my head, but they circle like hungry sharks. _Good luck, girl, you won't be sleepin' again tonight..._ I think to myself. _They lock people up for dreaming like that. Padded walls and all..._

A sudden bolt of lightening, followed by a murmur of thunder, lances across the sky, illuminating my room. Good old familiar room. Using my hands I bunch up the pillow beneath my head, letting the soft folds caress my face, calming me. I close my eyes. _They're ok. Jake's ok. Cassie's ok. Marco's ok. Ax's ok. Tobias is ok. He's fine..._ With the next bolt of lightening there's a tap at the window. I freeze. Cold dread seeps into my bones. A figure is outlined against the windowpane, a silhouette against the blazing light. Small. Very small. With wings... Tobias. I scurry out of bed, snap on the light, and fling the window up. He flutters in quickly to the carpeted floor. Feathers drenched. I take a few subconscious steps back.   
"Tobias? What are you doing here?"   
He tilts his streamlined head up to look at my face, raptor eyes gleaming.   
You go sleep in a tree during a thunderstorm...   
I chuckle halfheartedly, still shaken by my dream, but glad to see Tobias. He looks at me critically.   
Rachel, you look awful... he states. There's concern in his voice. I wonder briefly exactly what I look like. Dressed only in an old baggy t-shirt, hair knotted and damp, and slick with sweat. I try to smile.   
"Oh, it was just... just..." I answer softly.   
...a dream? he inquires.   
I nod silently.   
He turns away, casting his gaze over my desk, my dresser, things he's seen a hundred times before. There's silence.   
I..., uh..., I hope it wasn't... too bad. he offers meekly, but I know what he means. There's nothing more you can do, except wake up, shake it off and get on with life. That's all any of us can do. 

He turns to look at me again. You ok?   
I smile inside. His words are almost a replica of my earlier thoughts. I nod silently again, and sit on the edge of my bed, arms wrapped across my stomach. He flutters up to perch on my desk.   
I don't want to impose or anything, but is it ok if I stay here tonight?   
I turn to look at him. "Yeah, sure... That's fine..." He still seems worried about me. _Do I really look as bad as I feel? I hope not._   
Tobias settles on the desktop, arranging his wing and tail feathers, and shaking himself dry. I smile.   
"I'll go put on some music or something..." I say as I get up. Tobias pauses in what he's doing.   
No, hey, that's ok. I was just going to hunker down and go to sleep.   
"Oh..." I say. "Really? You sure? I can play some if you want... I got this new CD the other day..." I rise to my feet and walk over to the CD player.   
Go back to sleep, Rach. he says quietly. I start to protest but he interrupts me. You really look like you could use some rest.   
I look him in the eyes. He meets my gaze, his eyes sincere. I nod silently, not wanting to fight. He's right, after all. I flick the lights off and slip back into bed. Within seconds I'm drifting off to sleep, lulled by the sound of the rain falling outside the open window, and the whisper soft rustle of feathers. 

It's daylight when I open my eyes again. The window's still open, a slight damp patch on the carpet directly underneath it, where the rain came in during the night. There's another small puddle on my desk, along with a few scratch marks. Some of my many trinkets on the desk's surface have been rearranged. And mum's standing at the door.   
"Rachel, honey, wake up. It's a school morning." She says cheerily. She looks to room over.   
"Urgh," she moans. "how many times do I have to tell you; don't sleep with your window open." She sighs and shakes her head.   
"Sorry mum..." I mumble, still burdened with sleep.   
She looks critically at me, then walks out, already calling for my sister to wake up.   
I sit up slowly and look around.   
Tobias is gone.   
I sigh. It wouldn't surprise me if he was just a dream too... I can't remember. I stagger out of bed, sleep deprived, and get ready for school. 

The sun rolls across the sky. 

The sunlight glares, making the pavement rebound the heat, so that it shimmers and dances on the horizon. I'm walking home from school. Jake is by my side. He keeps giving me worried looks. And I know why. I still haven't managed to get over that dream of mine. It's haunted my every movement, every word. Every thought. I might go find Tobias later and tell him about it. I know he was a bit put out when I didn't explain what was bothering me last night, but it was so fresh then, so raw. Now the horrors have dulled. And I need a confidant. I would tell Jake, I know I should. He is my cousin after all. But he'll look at me with that look. The one that says 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry, it's all my fault. I don't know why you guys follow me anyway...' And I don't want him to feel guilty. It's not his fault. Besides, he's got enough on his plate. Here's my house. We make our distracted farewell, both deep in thought, and depart. 

I wander up to my room. I can smell something. It's different. It's inviting. It's... chocolate. My door's ajar. I push it open. It swings slowly, revealing my room. Dresser. Open window. Bed. All normal. And my desk. Sitting there innocently on my desk is the **biggest** chocolate cake I have ever seen. It has icing. And sprinkles. And swirls. And everything. Beside it is a piece of paper, folded over. I pick it up. I simply reads: 

_ Rachel, _

Enjoy. And smile. 

T. 

PS. Ax helped. (I think...) =) 

As I unfold the note a Polaroid photo falls out. It's Ax. Absolutely smothered in chocolate. It's all over his hands, his face, his chest and dried onto his fur. He seems to be enjoying himself immensely. I couldn't help but laugh. A silly grin spreads across my face, and I don't think I've laughed that hard in months. All the tension I'd been carrying just ebbed away. I sigh contentedly, and run a finger across the top of the cake, scooping up some of the thick icing and popping it into my mouth._ Mmmmm, that boy can **cook!**_

Just then, out of the corner of my eye I see something flashing. It's my CD player. A song's been paused. Intrigued, I push the play button. A song begins. It's vaguely familiar, but I can't place it. It's calming and pleasant, matching my mood exactly. I sit down on the edge of my bed and listen. 

_When you feel all alone   
And the world has turned it's back on you   
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart_

The words are startling, they sink right to my heart. I sit forward, ears straining, trying to pick every word. 

_When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore   
Let me be the one you call   
If you jump I'll let you fall   
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night_

I gasp. I can't believe he's done this. I remember the concerned look in his hawk eyes, and the way his voice was etched in sympathy last night, and smile. I rise to my feet and wander over to the open window, still listening. It's a beautiful day. The breeze is just rustling the leaves in the towering tree next door. 

_If you need to fall apart   
I can mend a broken heart   
If you need to crash then crash and burn   
You're not alone_

Outside, in the tree, something moves. I take a closer look. There's a familiar shape just behind the large trunk. Hiding. An avian shape. I gaps, then smile faintly to myself.   
"Tobias!" I call. The shape shifts quickly out of sight. But there's no mistaking him. Not a chance. 

_You're caught in a one way street   
With the monsters in your head_

I keep watching where I saw Tobias last. Slowly, he moves from his hiding place. He takes to the air, but instead of flying up to me she disappears around the side of my house. I frown. _What's he up to?_ In the background the song continues its calming, soft beat. 

_When hopes and dreams are far away   
And you feel like you can't face the day   
Let me be the one you call_

Suddenly there's a knock on the door behind me. I whip around. Is it mum? Jordan? No... it's him. He's in human morph, dressed casually, his blue eyes sparkling and a stupid grin on his face. 

_Because there has always been heartache and pain   
And when it's over you'll breathe again   
You'll breathe again_

As the last strains of the song die away, all I can see is that gorgeously stupid grin on his face, his unruly hair half falling over his eyes, and for the first time that day, a sense of peace. 

Note: _Crash and Burn_ is by the awesome Aussie band Savage Garden. 

**Dedications**   
[One: No Matter What][1] - [Two: A Little More Time][2] - [Three: Finally Found][3] - Four: Crash and Burn

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